January 31, 2009

back to Boston today;
another semester already?
i’m not ready for this
(too much procrastination)
and here again is that ache –
the one i’m never quite rid of –
the painful feeling of waiting
when i want to be living my life.

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January 11, 2009

it snowed the other night –
the same soft, empty, silence
often filling this little city’s sky
and when i came home in this quiet
at the intersection of 68th and Wisconsin
as i so often do,
i felt the pull of my past
it was two years ago again,
i was at that very corner
walking toward paul’s house
with him walking toward me
home again, and stepping out of the car
the snow was falling past the streetlights
shooting stars, diamonds,
the glitter i played with as a child
stoplights flashing – red, yellow, red
writing their own poem so long after the fact
paul did not give those nights their magic;
the snow, and being in love, did
so now two years later
i am really in love this time, and the magic
is in everything, and the snow
will always fall just as beautifully
even those questions that i haven’t yet
heard the answers to
don’t need to be answered –
i am complete without them.

for auld lang syne

January 1, 2009

i spent a while thinking about
whether or not i wanted to write
about 2008;
a sort of "end of the year reflection",
you know.
eventually i decided i should write something,
so here it is.
i have reached a point in my life
where i am really happy;
the future i want is something
i know i can have, if i keep on as i am
i don’t miss my past
or the people from it,
though i suppose there are one or two
answers to questions i’m still waiting on
at any rate,
2008 was the best year of my life
incontestably
i spent it in love, in health,
in a fantastic school,
in a wonderful family
in a supportive community.
there were hard times and tears
and sometimes a whole lot of fears
but mostly i just remember
a Valentine’s day video serenade from 1200 miles away
a birthday on a beach in Florida
a summer of late night love-making and conversations about everything
a night of iced coffee, laughter, and a walk on the pier with my best friends
a new semester with new suitemates who bake cookies and helped me paint the kitchen orange
a long flight cross-country in a blizzard, over the clouds in the sunlight
and being home again, yet again and again
because i really do love it here,
in spite of my occasional frustrations
it’s a little strange (as always)
to be staring my future in the face,
trying not to worry about tuition/loans/bills/food/grades/jobs
knowing that in less than 2 years,
i could be engaged
(but that’s not frightening…it’s terribly exciting)
picking out a medical school,
planning my adulthood.
so hello, 2009
you have rather large shoes to fill,
but i have no fear that you’ll do so admirably,
since my life just seems to keep getting better
i suppose i should knock on wood,
but i believe in good things coming to those who work hard
and have a little patience

and, in the spirit of tradition,
here are a few resolutions i’m hoping to keep:
1) lose 10 lbs
(not that i dislike my body – i love the way i am,
but with the goal to lose 10 lbs i hope to force myself
to keep a healthy diet and a regular exercise schedule –
both of which are currently lacking my life)
2) spend more time with my family
(because i find myself trying to get away from them
in favor of my friends and my love,
but they deserve better than that)
3) be a good role-model and resource for my sister
(as she just turned 12, is hitting puberty, and will probably
suffer the same insecurities and annoyances i did)
4) be a better lover
(because Micah tries so hard to please me, and i realize
i often overpower him, since i’ve always been a "leader"
and i want to listen to him more, and be more
attuned to his needs and wants – he deserves to
be treated as wonderfully as he treats me)

now off we go into the wild blue yonder
the sun is setting on the first day of 2009
my neighborhood is shades of lavender and navy
while i’m resting in my pool of lamplight
i am so content with my life!
happy new year, world.