hello again

August 15, 2010

walk tonight,
there’s a breath of autumn
on the breeze in my hair
long now, longer than ever
tickling my shoulders as it moves.
here i am, in this little town
of mine, summer’s ending
there – and there again,
the familiar tugging in my chest
as i try to pull away from
the inevitable:
goodbye is coming again.
strings wrapped around me
i can feel life twisting me up
adulthood; what does that
even mean?
i’m seeking refuge in my
nostalgia; a weekend in
Lakeside, a late night walk
wondering if the others i have
loved, still wonder about me.
just learned David is married –
just watched Micah’s brother
(yes, the other one) get married
my turn is coming up fast
so exhilarating, so terrifying
so – grown up.
two years ago i was ready for this,
to be an adult and start my life
but now i’m backpedaling
furiously, how can i already decide?
how can i be me – who am i really?
i guess let’s just focus on the
little things –
let’s get through this goodbye
because it’s the last goodbye
like it
we’ll ever have.

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)

July 27, 2009

(here it is then:)
((i have a deep, dark confession))
it’s raining outside tonight
smells like summer time and
nostalgia, like cement and
sticking grass blades and
running barefoot and damp t-shirts.
(i’ve missed this)
((i miss having this with you))
(((i still miss you)))
i went for a walk by myself,
alone/but not alone
and remembering as always
blues skies on the ceiling of my bathroom
floating, walking, running
cigarette smoke swirling and twirling
dragon’s breath.
razor blades and nicks on my knee
i want to walk all night
tonight like it will never end
circles in this old town of mine,
with my head in clouds
of memories and misty street lights
the rain falling on my skin
seemed warm until it touched me;
it raised goosebumps where it fell,
pale and shivering
and walking alone
i never knew i could feel so old
and so naive at once.
(and here’s my secret:)
((i don’t love you anymore))
(((but i miss walking with you)))
((((and sometimes))))
(((((i still walk the streets)))))
((((((hoping to run into you))))))