day dreaming

February 28, 2007

i’m sick
again, so when
i came home from school
today, i took a nap.
i felt the afternoon bleed away as
i curled into myself
i dreamt
about a wide wide parking lot
there was snow
on the ground, cracks
in the pavement.
it felt very far away, i saw
Erin, she smiled at me
and she said
“we are infinitely divine”
and then she walked away.
i walked across the lot,
splashing in puddles
watching plastic bags whisper past
my mother was waiting beside 
a vendor’s trailer, they passed down
hot falafel and pita bread
“mama,” i said,
“we are infinitely divine”
“i know,” she said,
putting her hand on my sister’s head.
“we are infinitely divine.”
i woke up then;
i said
“we are infinitely divine”
as i looked at myself in the mirror
and saw that
my hair stuck up every which way.

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post script

February 27, 2007

p.s. – i am in love with pickled ginger and soy sauce.

also, i think this is pretty sweet, although completely unrealistic.

dreaming

February 27, 2007

it’s a very long week.

i dreamed last night that you wrote to me.  i could see the words on the screen, i read them aloud and they were so simple and so right.  i put my hands up to them and they came away in my fingers, i held your letter in my hands and i could hear your voice, i heard you say your own name and it was a solid sound, a real sound.  you were real.  i saw your face in your words and you became your name and my whole world was full of letters.

it was a beautiful dream.

all the same

February 25, 2007

i don’t mind where you come from,
as long as you come to me.
but i don’t like illusions, i can’t see
them clearly.
i don’t care, no, i wouldn’t dare
to fix the twist in you.
you’ve shown me eventually what you’ll do.
i don’t mind,
i don’t care,
as long as you’re here.

go ahead, tell me you’ll leave again.
you’ll just come back running
holding your scarred in hand –
it’s all the same.
and i’ll take you for who you are
if you take me for everything,
and we’ll do it all over again –
it’s all the same.

hours slide and days go by
’til you decide to come,
and in between, it always seems too long
for certain.
but i have the skill, yeah, i have the will
to breathe you in while i can.
however long you stay is all that i am.
i don’t mind,
i don’t care,
as long as you’re here.

go ahead, tell me you’ll leave again.
you’ll just come back running
holding your scarred in hand –
it’s all the same.
and i’ll take you for who you are
if you take me for everything
and we’ll do it all over again –
it’s always the same.

wrong or right,
black or right,
if i close my eyes,
it’s all the same.
in my life,
the compromise –
i’ll close my eyes;
it’s all the same.

go ahead, say it! you’ll leave again!
and you’ll come back running,
holding your scarred heart in hand –
it’s all the same.
and i’ll take you for who you are
if you take me for everything.
we’ll do it all over again –
it’s all the same.

(Sick Puppies)

well, what i really
mean is,
no, but thank
you for your consideration
i’m
trying to say
how
oh, how kind you are!
really, though,
i understand
i can’t quite get
there, it’s not
saying itself.

stained fingers and restless
thoughts, i can never
make up my mind anymore.

confession #4

February 25, 2007

i have fallen asleep with my phone beside my pillow, waiting for you to call.

watch me!

February 25, 2007

http://www.bravia-advert.com/commercial/braviaextcommhigh.html

gone with the winter wind

February 24, 2007

as the blizzard begins, i
tilt back a large glass of
Merlot, dark red
dark
snow is hissing on the window pane
Scarlett O’Hara
dressed in velvet curtains
but the snow doesn’t fall
at Tara.
Rhett Butler is,
i think,
far more attractive
than Ashley Wilkes ever could be.
it’s really snowing,
it’s really going
my lips have turned
the color of eggplants,
laughing richly
on a Saturday night.

snow storm

February 24, 2007

driving north very
early, it’s
still snowing this time.
all shades of white
and
Julia’s shoulders are very narrow
beneath my
hands, our breathing
fogs up
the yellow school bus windows
i am catching imaginary
snowflakes
i am painting long, wet
streaks in the dew on the window.
dirty handprints
drifting eastwards to where
the water waits.

last night i was dreaming

February 24, 2007

it’s snowing again.