September 30, 2009

late, and tired
not-quite all-nighter yesterday
first exam of the year,
already?
whirlwind days, running away
Micah visits in only 15 days
around the two week mark,
it always seems so close.
i think we’ve both been struggling;
waking up from unsettled dreams
vividly feeling arms around me,
though he’s 1200 miles away.
i’m up again, waiting for his phone call
so i can go to bed
with his voice, so perfectly familiar
so comfortably ordinary,
murmuring sweet everythings
as i drift off to another day,
one day closer.

September 25, 2009

things i can see from my window:
-the Prudential building
-the bridge
-Boston
-the Citgo sign
-the Charles river
-Memorial Drive
-the sun
-the sky

things i can’t see from my window:
-my love
-my family
-my best friends

lonely.

September 24, 2009

it’s a beautiful day today;
i’m sitting in Killian Court, and the sun is peeking
between greyish clouds.
there’s a nice breeze, and the river glints
silver and gold to south.
the leaves are already changing;
across from me there’s a
maple (i think), gilded with copper and scarlet
doesn’t feel like fall –
doesn’t feel like anything, really.
just waiting, and waiting
i forget what i’m waiting for.
for lunch today, a PB&J
crunchy peanut butter, strawberry jam,
nutty wheaty bread.
it’s almost Friday (again, already)
i’m just repeating myself
i don’t mean to whine –
but i miss you, so terribly much.
21 days is, as always, 21 too many.

September 20, 2009

the leaves are changing already
my hair is long enough to
get in the way, now.
time is flying –
already it is afternoon, and the
yellow-tinged green maple
just outside is leaving dapples
on my pillow and windowsill.
in the dark of the night,
Micah whispered to me about
the early days of us –
the first time we met, first date
first kiss
the first time we made love
my  body is craving contact;
i want to feel a gentle hand on mine
a kiss on the forehead
a heartbeat beneath my cheek,
falling asleep with my head on his shoulder
it is indescribably difficult;
you would think, with time, one would
accept and adapt
but it is never really easier –
you just become numb faster.
still
i am surviving, as always
and when i am falling asleep
in the dark, alone
he’s there in my ear, telling me
how beautiful i am
and i think touching my heart
is more important than touching me.

September 15, 2009

sorry for my absenteeism;
my life lately:
saying goodbye (hate, oh i hate)
visiting friends, family,
favorite restaurants
flying back to Boston with
sick/excitement in my stomach
landing, and suddenly
excitement is winning
two days to move in (a new,
bigger room)
then Elodie (my friend from Paris)
arrived a day earlier than expected
we spent 3 days in NYC, and too much money
but had a wonderful time – worth it.
back to Boston, straight into school.
a thousand emails to send, a thousand
applications to submit, a thousand
things to print and sign and remember.
ahh, the joys of fall.
my new room has a river view;
in the morning the sun shines in around my shades
creeping into my eyes, heating the room
as the sun sets, the whole Boston skyline
lights up on fire, and then at night
the lights and the moon are bright
on the good old Charles river.
busy busy busy busy
i really should leave it at that for now
Elodie is asleep on my floor, and
i already have homework!

i carry your heart with me(i carry it in
my heart)i am never without it(anywhere
i go you go,my dear; and whatever is done
by only me is your doing,my darling)
i fear
no fate(for you are my fate,my sweet)i want
no world(for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it’s you are whatever a moon has always meant
and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud
and the sky of the sky of a tree called life;which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that’s keeping the stars apart

i carry your heart(i carry it in my heart)