February 7, 2009

all right, all right;
it’s the end of week one
hard to believe that just 7 days ago
i was packing my bags
with sweatshirts, and jeans,
the teddy bear Micah gave me,
hand lotion and sweaters
i don’t think i’ve ever been as
exhausted as this week has left me –
after spending 6 weeks
on crutches, in wheelchairs,
and driving in cars,
just walking across campus is draining
(for those of you who hadn’t heard,
i had foot surgery just before Christmas –
left me with a broken bone, a metal plate, and
lots of narcotics)
classes this semester:
(yet again, another semester?
didn’t i just write this entry for the fall?)
general biochemistry
organic chemistry
francais IV
cognitive processes
infant & early childhood cognition
– so, one class more than ever before
(those last two are rumored to be terribly easy,
which makes up for the multiple
devoirs/essais/videos/examens
en francais)
those chem classes, well
they’re pre-requisites for almost everything else
how unenthralling
also this semester:
recording/editing/producing/selling
a brand new Muses CD!
UROP – probably in the same lab as last time
tutoring Maira, my lovely sophomore student
who loves math and wants to go to MIT
and perhaps a social life, maybe,
somewhere between the p and the sets.
tonight has been a difficult evening;
less than a week of being "home"
already wanting my home,
wishing i weren’t so tired all the time
and trying to pretend like 1200 miles
isn’t really so very far, else
i remember how hard it actually is, to
deal with the distance
i should consider myself lucky –
after this short semester, we will have
finished our second year; 1/2 through!
still,
Micah is out at a party tonight, and
here i am, little old me,
blogging away…feeling, like i too often do,
as if we are disconnected in spite of everything
it becomes impossible to pretend
we are living a life together
when we don’t even have the option of going
out; instead, when i’m finished
detailing my woes for the uninterested public,
i’ll go to bed, and try to sleep
and try not to worry about where he is,
or what he’s drinking, or how much.
it’s unfair of me to whine – i am lucky in so many ways,
we see each other a few times a semester
and go home to the same wonderful city
and in between we have cell phones and video chats
everything but,
late nights like tonight, when my body hurts,
my heart is a little heavy
i can close my eyes and almost remember what
it feels like to lie beside him in bed late at night
held so close that i can barely tell where i end
and he begins
but then, in that statement,
"almost" is the key word –
the "almost" is what kills, because "almost"
is never enough.

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