December 4, 2008

i dreamed about paul last night.
i was walking down Commonwealth,
talking to two friends
faceless students all around
he was there ahead of me,
locking his bike up
to a post
i pretended like i didn’t see him;
turned to my friend, kept talking
kept walking
his eyes followed me as i passed
footsteps behind me
putting his arm out to stop me
moving in close
i turned and looked at his face
and he was smiling that smile,
that dark, mysterious smile
full of winter nights and dreamsicle lights
snow on dark hair, and the silver-black river
i’d forgotten that smile
in my dream i saw it and i knew it and i fell in love again
and just as quickly i fell out
because familiarity breeds contempt
and i know only too well what does (or doesn’t)
go on behind that smile
in my dream i put my hands up
shoved him away from me
"you ended this almost two years ago
you can’t come back again
it’s done"
but he wouldn’t stop, his hands
going to my waist,
tilting his head down just a little bit
trying to kiss me
still smiling that smile
i kept trying to push him away,
feeling sick to my stomach
hating myself for ever loving him
hating him for never loving me
i woke up too warm in my bed
alone
i wished Micah were there
to erase the feeling of
long-lost fingerprints on my skin
i wanted him to kiss my fingers
and the tip of my nose
and remind me again that
i am really loved.
i wish lost loves would stay lost.

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3 Responses to “”


  1. I know what you mean…I was visited by mine two nights ago.


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