August 13, 2008

it’s gotten colder here in the mornings;
i woke up today burrowed beneath my
down comforter, and it almost
kind of smells like fall
(already in mid-august?)
and there’s only – 9
(i just counted)
days until i leave for Boston
and there’s a sick feeling in my stomach
i love my school
i do (do i?)
it’s just that i ache
(i don’t mean that figuratively;
it physically hurts me to think of it)
i ache at the idea of being away from him again.
three months ago, i said
“we’ve made it through a year, no problem!”
and now i’ve been thinking,
“we still have three left to go…please God.”
my classes are going to be very difficult
and i’ll be very busy
(school, job, a cappella)
we won’t talk as much as we did last year
which is fine – no really!
i know we’ll be all right.
it’s just that…
i can’t help remembering those nights
alone in my bed, with his voice on the phone
and every inch of me screaming with
want of having him in my arms.

i know i haven’t written much at all
but this summer has been beautiful;
i’ve been so busy
working all the time (weekdays 7 – 5)
and in the evenings, coffee with my friends
(the ones who never change)
and dinner with my family
and lying on my bed with him,
tracing the line of his chest with my fingers
nights when he holds me close
runs his hands down my back
and sings to me, a song he’s making up as he goes.

i know it will be all right
i know it – but somehow i wish this were easier
that the hurting could go away
i know it won’t, and it can’t
not now, not for another three years
i just have to remember –
every day closer.
my life is beautiful,
even with the things i find difficult
and i know that the time apart
will be absolutely worth it
just for the way his eyes light up at me in the airport.

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One Response to “”

  1. schizometria Says:

    I think your attitude towards the situation is lovely, I have no further advice to give you. 🙂
    Stay strong!


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