June 1, 2008

my best friend’s boyfriend just broke up with her
yesterday morning.
he came home from his religious camp
and took her out for coffee
and in a public cafe, told her
that they needed to break up
after almost three years.
i am wavering between anger and sadness
because of the reasons he gave.
he told her that he had
a “religious epiphany”.
the implication was that
he wanted to purify himself and that
their relationship was making him impure
he said they needed to
“grow apart before they could grow together”.
he said
“i love you more than anyone on earth”
what he didn’t need to say was
“you are second behind God”
and here is the thing that gets me:

where is God if not in the love between two people?

how can he love God “more” or “less” than her?
can’t he see that she IS God?
that God lives in our relationships,
that God is in the love we have for one another.
the ambiguous concept of “God as a being”
is so beyond me.
God?  where? 
an old man in a white robe above the clouds.
no,
God is an emotion, a moment,
the way your heart opens up with joy
at the way the sunlight flashes in the eyes of someone you love
God is the softness you feel when you see a sleeping child,
God is the way your soul stills in the cool quiet dark of a summer night.

i can look at my friend and see God in her,
i can see it in the way she smiles and
the way her wrist cocks as she gestures to tell a story
and so when the person who has told her
he loved her
tells her that he can’t
LOVE her
my everything aches because

where is the God in that?

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