out there on the road

May 11, 2008

i always seem to have trouble staying focused on my work
when nothing is due for a while.
i’m done for the semester – just
a few more days of class, and my finals are next week
i’ll be home in 10 days.
i don’t have anything more due, just studying.
it’s a funny thought, to be so close to being done
it’s almost unreal.  i’ve been looking forward to it
for so long, i can’t understand that it’s almost here.
10 days feels like a long time, but
i’ve had so much worse.  this time,
three months at home
without a single p-set to worry about.
i know that time is flying past me,
i know that the world is
rushing to meet me.
i am almost 25% finished with college
it doesn’t sound like that much, does it?
but it’s huge!

wasn’t it just the other night that i kissed him
hard enough to bruise my lips,
wanting him to leave a mark on me
so i wouldn’t forget?
whispering “i love you” when i’d promised myself
i wouldn’t fall in love
the way he held me so tight i couldn’t breathe,
“i don’t want you to go” muffled against my hair
watching him walk away
hands and faces wet with both our tears
holding on to the door frame to stop myself from
falling or running after him, i don’t know which.
and wasn’t it this morning when my mother
drove me to the airport in the early light
i felt my world shrink into a pinpoint
when the sun rose over the lake,
knowing that i might never feel that same
feeling again.
it looked like watercolors thrown against the sky,
and my heart aching for a thousand things that don’t have names
and one thing that does.

here i am on the verge of another starting point:
three months of breathing space to re-explore my life
after 9 months away from the people who know me best
but might not anymore
my friendships have changed – some are closer,
some are farther, some might not ever change.
so much planned, and so much to do
spur of the moment
and who knows what the future holds?
except for great things, and changes.
and oh, i am so looking forward
to this time.

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