April 25, 2008

sorry i haven’t been around;
my hard drive crashed earlier this week.
still, Wednesday was my birthday; i figured
i ought to say something about it.
i’m 19 now; it still doesn’t feel any
different than 18, or 17, or 16
or does it?
i feel like the same age but i am a different person
and i am eternally grateful for it.
if one reads what i wrote on my birthday last year
i was not sure of anything, really
really, my life was just drifting along
waiting until the end of high school when
i was going to “start over”
in a way i did “start over”, but not when i meant to;
i “started over” in July instead of September
and i don’t mind, even though
life could be easier in some ways.
on my birthday last year i was going to
smoke cigarettes until my lungs burned
to hide the way my eyes burned
when i thought about what i knew paul was doing to me.
thank God for small mercies;
this year, instead of paul “forgetting” my birthday
while he was abroad,
i had Micah call me at midnight to sing Happy Birthday to me
and promise me that when i’m there next week,
i’d get a spectacular gift.
really, though, the only gift i want
is to spend some time with him in the quiet dark
and learn him all over again.
i have much more to write,
but i’ll be late for class if i don’t go now.


One Response to “”

  1. Aw, that was really beautiful Alie. It gives me a lot of hope for the future. I’m sort of in that same place you used to be right now, but you make me realize how much better it can get. I’ve just gotta wait it out!

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