march(ing) on

March 13, 2008

walking home sometimes on evenings
when it has been raining
there are dark puddles
lamp-lit pools that slither like oil slicks
and there seem to be fireflies
no, those are only streetlamps far off
across the river
i’m reaching out with both hands
catching fireflies by the thousands
my life is full of fireflies
like laughter, and smiles, and joy, and beauty
Laura gave us ice cream cake for a study break tonight
the box said “it’s what happiness tastes like”
but, i really must say
that i think happiness tastes less like chocolate
and more like a March breeze
when i’m walking free
i’m coming home late from a review session
and, of course, don’t get me wrong
i work so hard here, there are days when
like my friend asked me
“don’t you just want to drop out?”
yes, i do, some days, when i’m failing a class
all i want is to sleep for a while
but, really, i love it here
i love the work and the strain and the stress and the people
i know that i am happier here than i could be anywhere else
and i love studying the things i’m studying.

it’s almost official
i’ve worked it out with my ROTC advisor
i don’t have to attend any more ROTC events.
at the end of the month, i’ll go into her office
and sign the paperwork
and i’ll truly be done.
i never have to wear the uniform again,
i never have to get up in the dark at
to hurry up and wait for the rest of my life.

we’re nearly halfway through this second semester
i’m blown away by it constantly.
wasn’t Christmas yesterday?
or perhaps yesterday is when Micah left for school
no, wait, yesterday was when i was in St. Louis
yet, i’m wrong, because he’ll be here in two days
just two days!
i can’t wait to be with him again
just to be held close, to breathe in all of him
feel his scratchy beard against cheek
his long knobbly hands holding my face
looking into his eyes
i’ve never seen such a blue
in those moments where nothing is moving
and all i can hear is heartbeats
those times when
i think that reality must be suspended
in that place where nothing else seems to matter.


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