February 7, 2008

things seem
under control; it’s
raining outside, i can see the way
the industrial lights across
Brigg’s Field are fractured
it’s raining like the spring
time is almost here.
it shatters against my window,
sending sparks of
orange and pink across the room.
Cambridge looks like
building blocks, florescent lights
low slung skyscrapers
i can hear the way it
claps on the sidewalk,
distant applause.
maybe they’re congratulating me;
grades from last semester,
nothing worse than a B-.
maybe i can make it here, after all.
i like my classes,

i want to do well. trying to get
ahead, get things done
sooner rather than later
i like being on the ball.
i’m excited, i feel ready
because i know i’m smart enough
i know i can do this, i know
i’m doing the right thing
or at least
the closest thing i know to it.

i have this ache in my
chest, most evenings
especially when it rains like this.
see, i have this need
(really, i think i would shrivel into nothing
without it)
to be with him physically;
and i don’t just mean making love,
although that’s important too.
just being there, in his presence
being able to reach out and touch
his cheek, or hand, or hair.
breathe in the smell of him,
or kiss the scars at the base of his palm

he told me they’re from when
an aquarium shattered in his hands
and he had to get tons of stitches
there was blood everywhere;
i wish i could have been there for the
child-Micah, held his hand while they
tucked the stitches in.

i know everything will be all right;
nights like tonight tell me so.
after all, the world can’t be all bad
not when streetlights can look so beautiful.

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