some things about me

November 15, 2007

i am a freshman at MIT
i like napping
the New England rain gets me down because i have no one here to cuddle with.
i am not a small-town Midwesterner
even though i come from the Midwest. 
i don’t know how i’m going to pay for college
but i might have a way
i insist that veggie sushi is real sushi
because i love it and i don’t eat fish.
my favorite part of my day is
getting into bed at night
and calling Micah
he talks me to sleep;
it lets me pretend he’s here.
i constantly get distracted and
don’t finish my work until
it’s very late at night
then fall asleep during lecture the next day.
i don’t know what i want to major in
but i think brain & cognitive sciences would be neat,
since it’s two of my favorite things –
science and philosophy –
wrapped into one.
i like it when people send me songs they like.

i don’t know what i’m going to do with my life.
lately it’s been strange because
this time, i know that
i’m not the only one in love –
he’s in love, too.
and when we talk it’s like we’ve always known each other
and he talks about the future
so confidently, like he’s already been there
and seen us together down the road.
but, four years is a long time
and a thousand miles is a long way
to go.
i feel so surreal, when i think of after college
how wonderful it would be to be with him somewhere,
going to grad school, sharing an apartment
getting married.  oh God.
but it isn’t scary,
which is kind of the scariest part.

how is it that i’m here?
i am at an amazing school full of amazing people,
doing amazing things
every day of their lives.
i’m in a city full of history and culture and
beautiful things, too
like sunlight on the river in the morning
the way the sun sets so red and gold.
i’m in love with a person i think i might have dreamed;
he asks me every day, “how did i get so lucky?”
and i ask, “how did i?”
i remember standing in the airport of St. Louis
thinking that my heart might break for leaving
when i walked through security and looked back
he was crying, and
oh, it broke.
and now it’s only six days until i see him again,
only six days!
i can’t wait to just
be with him –
not saying or doing anything, just
listening to his breathing
and stroking his hair.

six days until home, but
who knows if it’s really home?  i don’t
here isn’t home yet, i’m still settling in
i think it’s because i’m in a triple and
i need my own space
(no offense, Caryn and Emily)
and, to be honest,
i don’t know if i’ll have a home until it’s with him.
which isn’t to say i can’t be happy,
but it just means that i’m longing for when i can
wake up to him every day
fall asleep to him every night
and see him all times in between.

and now i’m just going on and on,
and i have work to finish.

i’ll try to write more often, i promise.
i’m finding i have lots to say, even if
my words aren’t as pretty as i wish they were.


2 Responses to “some things about me”

  1. No more Astronaut Alie? 😦

  2. schizometria Says:

    I think your words are pretty. They seem to be honest, honest can never be ugly.

    I don’t eat fish either and I like veggie sushi, too.

    Hooray for love. I hope you really do end up getting amrried and everything, ladeeda.

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