a month and two days in

September 21, 2007

 piles and piles of
p-sets, oh my!
the temptation to turn
to vodka and juice to burn
my time away to
learn to blow smoke
rings to drink and drink
sinking to levels where
thinking is no longer required
i’m slightly terrified
an exam, a quiz, a book to read,
a p-set, 
oh God.
i’m so tired.
there’s so much i have to fix, i have to find
a way out
i don’t know what i want yet
but i know what i don’t want, and i’m
trying to
save myself from destruction
a three day weekend, hallelujah!
and two weeks from tomorrow 
i’ll be there, St. Louis
living until i see
his face again, until
i’m home
and St. Louis it’s such a 
far way away
when i just want to put my
face down on his shoulder,
to touch that 
funny little spot on his chin
where no hair ever grows
and that scar on his thumb
long crooked fingers
and the way his eyes go all dark
God it’s too far
it’s so hard to do this, i thought
this was supposed to get easy
it’s gotten
easier every time but –
this time there’s 
a future, a reality that
maybe this could be right
and that, well that
it’s terrifying, because it’s not
that breathless intensity it’s like
it’s like i’ve belonged there all along,
like i’ll always belong there
and doesn’t that have to mean something
in the long run?

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