if i lay here

August 29, 2007

ups and downs these days.
lying on a roof top high above the city and there’s the skyline all along the edge of the world, and past it’s the ocean i know (first time i’ve ever lived by the ocean) and covered in dirt and out here
not quite free not quite
alone
i miss being held, i always do and
when you’re out here on your own, it’s
not so easy
to find that comfort.
but at least tonight i had my first real hug since i left home, and
well it felt nice
and gives me some hope.

i also looked at ticket prices
here to St. Louis $228
St. Louis to here $219
it doesn’t make it any easier
because then i just keep hoping and hoping
and who said there’s anything wrong with that?

i can’t wait until i move into my actual room
because the people here said they want me to stay
i’ll be done moving on Thursday at long last and
i’ll be able to settle in,
like i’ve always wanted

missing you very much.

and Micah, why can’t you transfer to BC?  then i could see you
all (or most) of the time
and then i wouldn’t be so afraid of what’s happening to us
or what will happen, regardless
you know, it’s tough when you keep loving people

and well
i guess i’ll just try to hold on to what i have
and take what i can keep getting

this isn’t easier,
but i don’t think it will get much harder
each day is a little farther from before
a little closer to then
and i’ll be home soon,
whatever i mean by that.

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