countdown

August 14, 2007

today i faced a fear i didn’t realize i had:
the terror of have my reality denied again.
Micah and i were at Braeburn and half-asleep on the bed and
suddenly i was strangling on this thought this
what if he does it to me to?
what if he
goes away and tries to be pretend
i don’t exist?
i could breathe, i just
cried and kept crying and
poor Micah, his hands on my
face, my shoulders, my waist
“hey, hey,” he said, “hey, it’s okay,
hey, what’s wrong?”
trying to keep up with the tears
running
“talk to me, come on,” he said
i told him and he took my face
in his hands
blue eyes, blue blue blue
“i am not David,” he said
“i can’t pretend that this never happened.
don’t be afraid of me.”
i couldn’t stop crying
“even if we change,
i won’t leave you in the dust”
he said
and i pray to God
he’s telling the truth.

and i always wanted to meet someone like him someday
but when i did it was supposed to be for real
and supposed to be permanent
because i wasn’t supposed to fall in love again
with someone i didn’t stand a chance at keeping.
isn’t that the killer?

what a punchline.

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One Response to “countdown”

  1. schizometria Says:

    Hello. I find your words beautiful. Can I be your friend?


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