near the end.

August 2, 2007

see, it’s hard not knowing
and, see,
well i don’t really know what
i want
these days but 
i know that i miss
you but
there are other
people i miss too
and i would like it 
very much, of course
if you called me
maybe once before 
you
go away
still i think it’s better
this way, when i’m not
seeing you. please
just promise me this:
don’t forget –
i think
no, actually, i’m quite
certain of it,
my greatest fear:
it’s to be forgotten
so if you would,
think of me (every
once in a while)

and in the meantime, well
there’s this fellow;
he calls me 
by my middle name, i think
it’s sweet of him and the
way he looks at
me, i can see it in those
bluegreysilverindigo eyes
like he’s actually –
happy, you know, happy
that i’m there to be happy 
with him.  

see, here’s the problem:
i am leaving here
(oh God in only two weeks)
new place new face new world
yes yes i asked for it but
i don’t know if 
i want it
anymore.
he is going away too, and
what does this mean
to us (to me)?
i can’t
fall in love again
i know that i’m not but
it would be so easy
with him, do you understand?

see, it’s like this:
it’s always like this:
i wish 
always
that i could cut time right
through, just at that moment
when
he’s looking at me
and his face –
oh!
his face is saying to me:
you
are
beautiful.

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