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May 30, 2007

hum drum

i don’t miss you as much today
which isn’t to say that i don’t still miss you
but, you know, sometimes it’s easier than others,
and i can laugh about myself a little

i like my new job.  my boss is very nice.  the restaurant is very handsome and clean.  i can see the sunset over the back deck, and when it’s warm and sunny people can sit outside and eat.

the calamari, i’m told, is excellent.
i can vouch for the sweet potato fries.

i feel a little bit enclosed right now, wrapped up in white linen sheets and graduation gowns.  tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, the days are seeming to grind past gratingly setting my teeth on a bitter edge.  there yet?  there yet?  there yet?

something aches and it’s not you being gone.
more like i’m missing the lake, and the wind off the waves, and the way the island lights glittered at the horizon line.  i miss Drew pouring shots of brandy and mixing drinks and Gordon carefully packing his bowl, miss lying out on the marina with my toes over the water lying back blazed, so fucking stoned i can’t even see straight and the sky is so lit up and nothing seems to need to make sense except for the way the stars keep flying past me overhead.  

somedays are better than others.  
i didn’t even realize i missed the lake so much.

fuck.
there’s so much to do.

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