panicky

April 27, 2007

on nights like tonight, when things press in and i’m swimming for the surface of the streelights, i wish that you were here.  i don’t even know you and i want you to be here with me, because i somehow think that maybe you’d have something to say that could change something, that could rearrange the world at least for a little while and your unicorns and birds and old dogs and magic fires.  sometimes i think that if i could step into your world then maybe my world wouldn’t matter so much and all of the things that i struggle with might mean a little less.  

i don’t know what i mean by that.  i don’t think it really matters.  all i can think about right now is that i don’t know where i’m going or what i want to do, i don’t know about him and i don’t know about me and i don’t know about my life and today is one of those days where I WANT TO KNOW.

and maybe if i go lie down beside a streetlamp or maybe sit beside the stream in the gutter, i will clear my mind at least for a little while and it will be all right.

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