jittery

April 27, 2007

why do you do
what you do?
questioning the reasons
huffing and puffing and blowing
myself down.
driving faster than is 
strictly necessary,
smoking camel ultra lights
(the pack is still unopened,
i want to smoke until
my hands
shake)
playing game after game
after game
how many hits can i take?
how many collapses?
how many bruises?
how many beatings?
how many how many
how many times can 
i let this happen to me
?
staying up later
later later
waiting until the edge
is approaching
just to see if 
maybe someday,
i’ll jump.

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