wise fools

January 10, 2007

this week is taking a very long time.

it’s kind of disconcerting to see all of the graduates back in town; it makes me feel like it’s still last year.  and then i think about what it will be like when i’ve graduated.  will i come back?  i don’t know.  maybe to talk to some of the students, some of the classes.  i don’t have that many friends in the underclasses.

walking down the hall, i’m constantly amazed at how few people i know.  consider that i have been living here for as long as i can remember; i’m going to high school with people i met in kindergarten.  literally.  but now there are all of these young kids, these freshman and sophmores, whose faces i don’t recognize and whose names i don’t know.  it’s like i’m already gone and the school is already someone else’s.

and how different am i now than i was sophmore year?  sam and i were still best friends.  pat stood up for me when sam messed up.  i was in love with musicals and wrote fantasy stories.  i had never seen Lakeside.  i had never been in love.  who i was then was nothing like who i am now.

i like myself a lot more now than i did, although i doubt myself more, as well.  i sometimes think that i’m wading towards the deep end of a swimming pool, and i’m afraid i’m going to lose my footing.

i’m just confused about so much.  i’d kind of like a vacation from myself.


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